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I started out the first year of my journey to become a non-smoker with weekly updates for about 6 weeks. Then moved to monthly ones when I hit 2-3 months. It’s been a few months since I’ve done one. Today marks 1 year, 9 months. That sounds better than 638 days. Both are impressive for close to a 3-pack a day smoker. I’ve said many times before how horribly sick I became during the withdrawal period. It was more like a detox as I can only image it would feel…
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Time wasted waiting for the mother who raised me to actually love and accept me. She’s dead. Time wasted waiting for the mother who gave birth to be to actually love and accept me. She told me to fuck off. Time wasted wishing my dad didn’t travel for weeks at a time. He did and he’s dead. Time wasted waiting for Prince Charming – guess since I remained in the rags Gave up on Prince Charming, and haven’t worn rags in 40 years. Time wasted waiting for that first major…
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You may have heard the latest “buzz words.” Silent illnesses. “What’s the matter with him?” “She is parked in handicapped and even has a placard, but she’s walking in fine.” I have dealt with many silent illnesses for most of my life. Abuse came first. But the short sleeved uniform blouse was just long enough to cover the fingernail stabs in my upper arms. High enough that no one would see, but hell, even if they had, back in those days, the nuns never would have called authorities. That was…
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There are a few people who had a life-long impact on me. My mother’s mother, Mabel (“Hoot”) is the first to come to mind because she was the most constant. She lived in the same city and would take me most weekends as I grew up. It was her love that made the weekdays almost tolerable until I was back with her again. My grandmother seemed to instinctively know that her daughter didn’t want me or understand me. The other two would be my mother’s sister, Hoot’s middle child, Jean,…
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A year ago today I made a decision that had a huge impact on life as I knew it. I butted my last cigarette (actually didn’t butt it since I used a self-extinguishing ashtray, but I digress). First, my stats: 1) just under 14,000 cigarettes not smoked; 2) $2,100 saved and donated to charity; 3) my lungs have improved by 5% – this will be the longest part of the journey. One of the apps that I used to log my progress/success showed me that since I stopped smoking there…
My Scarlet Letter 